10 NFL Predictions Before 2012 Season


"I can't quit you"

Kellen Moore will be drafted by the Colts

We can already see that the Colts will be in panic in the coming years as Manning ages and there is not sure fire backup for him. Curtis Painter had a nice run getting paid to look like a dork but now it’s time to get serious about life without Manning. Colts might very well be able to draft Andrew Luck if Manning doesn’t play all year, but Luck is not a sit and wait QB and Manning is not quite done yet. Kellen Moore is, like Manning, a four year starter and he has out of all the QB’s that have come out in recent years, the most Manning like brain. And since NFL scouts will see his Diary of a Wimpy Kid size and noodle arm, the Colts might be able to get him at a value draft pick, possible even out of the first round.

Tim Tebow will be on Another NFL *cough JAGUARS cough* Team

Think it’s a coincidence Garrad was ousted for Luke FUCKING McCown? Tim Tebow will be a Jacksonville Jaguar before the start of next season guaranteed. Question is what will happen to Blaine Gabbert.

Ndamukong Suh will become the best defensive player in the NFL

This isn’t even a a prediction. I’m not sure if he’s not the best already. I just wish they played the Patriots during the regular season so I can hear Tom Brady scream like a little bitch again.

farmers-fieldViking will be Moving to LA

A bad season mixed with Minnesota incompetence (the idiots in government, not Prince) will lead to the Vikings moving to Los Angeles. LA has a great stadium plan with a retractable roof (not a collapsing one) and lots of eyeballs that would love to see All Day AP cancel Christmas right next to fellow Sooner Blake Griffin fatheading the opposition. There will be a lot of sad faces leaving downtown LA in the near future.

Tyrod Tyler Will Play and Shock People

I don’t think Flacco will get injured for a long time but long enough for rookie Tyrod Tyler to show the world that Michael Vick isn’t the only VT QB that can ball in the NFL. Flacco will remain in the starting line up but that wick will get smaller if he can’t produce a championship this year.


There's no place like home. GB2 errrr.... GB GJ

McNabb will be Holding A Clipboard For the Rest of His Career By Week 13

McNabb will play a tiny bit better than he played last year. Too bad the Vikings will suck ass. Christian Ponder will get the obligatory “GO” not because McNabb sucks that bad but because he has no worth at 35 as a starting QB to any team. Mr. McNabb, I would like to introduce to you your new life coach Steve Beuerlein and Mark Brunell.

Trade Deadline will be Better This Year than Ever

Don’t be surprised to see some better than average players get moved at the trade deadline. Bears and Giants have fucked up in the off-season as far as PR goes and I can see Osi Umenyiora and Lance Briggs getting moved along with Tim Tebow, Asante Samuels, and of course your high profile Patriot.


Hurts so good!!!

Mike Shanahan will Flip Flop QB’s on his Way to an ESPN Analyst Job

Once again not really a bold prediction. It is really shocking that Mike Shanahan has turned into a fidgetity, unstable little spaz. I feel bad for the QB’s, mainly John Beck. I mean who wants to lose the starting roll to Rex Grossman? Does Washington fan remember the OBC?

Madden Curse will Continue

Sorry Cleveland fan. Don’t think Peyton Hillis will make it through the season unscathed. I mean really? Peyton Hillis? I think Madden fans voted him in because they want the curse to continue. Hillis is a workhorse no doubt but him surviving two straight seasons with that many caries on a team with no receivers, a young QB, and a mediocre defense is almost a lock to see some time on the sideline. Now that I think about it, the finals for the Madden voting were Hillis and Michael Vick. Damn Madden players are sick bastards. NFL isn’t NASCAR people. You don’t watch the game for crashes and injuries.

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