Female Fairytale Syndrome

Zac-Efron

Your Daughter wants me ;)

Female fairytale syndrome or FFS is when human females romanticize about getting swept off their feet by an absolutely perfect fucking guy and denying any normal, willing, and disease free dudes a chance to even get a sniff. FFS is present in 95% of women. The remaining 5% feature a lot of whores, sluts, porn stars, and hippies. This is an epidemic that affects the whole world. It is a problem that is for some dumbass reason accepted as normal even glorified by the likes of Disney and mothers of Justin Bieber fans as reality when it is in fact one of the “7 downfalls of mankind.” This disease not only affects females but it affects human males as well. While guys are able to get FFS (they are called sissies), guys do feel the effects of female fairytale syndrome through the females in their lives. There seems to be no end in sight for this horrid disease but the best way to fight it is to get the awareness out.

How Does One Contract Female Fairytale Syndrome

"Hey Dad! I'm living the California dream!"

Female Fairytale Syndrome starts off at a very young age, usually between 4-7 years old based on the maturity of the girl. Sadly it is commonly introduced by popular media such as sparkly metro vampires, lesbian looking little boys, or a certain large media conglomerate that takes the souls of females everywhere and recycles it into pocket change. As the girls get older the FFS gets more severe. Girls start to idolize and fantasize about relationships that can never fucking happen. What may be seen by all parents as normal, childish behavior is really the gateway to the disturbing conduct that is the heart of the problem of FFS. Young girls are now obsessed with the money, fame, and ideals of being with these false deities that they have grown to idolize. There are two known ways to subdue the effects of FFS; Age and Horniness. As girls reach puberty, they start to realize that their obnoxious fantasies can’t cure that new found tingling in their pants… at least not physically. A lot of girls will then place their obsession on something tangible. They start to place Jonas, Efron, Lautner like power on some lucky (or unlucky) d-bag and now they possess the keys to unlock the coochie cobbler. Since every girl thinks the exact same fucking way, they all like the same 3-4 douches leaving the other 1,000 available dudes holding their dicks and icing their balls. Girls will try to act out their 8-10 year fantasies with said d-bags only to realize that they are in fact “D-Bags” and they are left in a crying pile of stupidity and leave the “friend too good to date” to clean up the mess. As girls reach adulthood, horniness level may have increased but their FFS levels are still high, which means that more undeserving dumbshits will get to ruin young women and leave the “friend too good to fuck” to clean up the mess again.

There are different categories of FFS that girls can fall into. They are determined by a number of factors like genetics, social standing, religion, etc. Here are the most common forms of FFS:

Gold Digger

They even sell books on how to become a better Gold Digger. It's a profitable business.

Gold Diggers – These girls are only obsessed with one symptom of FFS… MONEY. That money can come in many different ways; clothes, shoes, cars, purse dogs, a new cell phone every 6 months, and whatever they can get their grubby little hands on. These girls want to live the life of the people they see on TV. Problem is, these girls are too lazy to get it themselves so they will do what it takes to get some dude to give it to them. And whatever it takes is at the most sex. If they can get away with getting stuff without sex they sure as hell will take it.

How to deal with a Gold Digger – You are gonna be broke. If you are regular dude with a regular job, feel lucky if she lets you suck her toes. You need Spielberg money to keep one of these and even then (as Spielberg knows), the good gold diggers find a way to get theirs without having to work too much. There is one way to combat this and it’s pretty simple… Don’t give them any money. If her purse cost more than your TV, then you need to abandon ship ASAP.

pure-virgin-girl

Hands off! That hot piece of ass is off limits.

Pure Religious Virgin – When you are competing against God, it’s not a fair fight. This girl is not giving it up until you walk her down the aisle. Doesn’t sound too bad though right? At least she’s with a good, wholesome, church-goin’ fella right? Wrong! She’s still a chick so she’s still looking for Prince Charming with a halo over his head. Well Prince Charming is a dick and so is the this guy. Good ol’ church boy is usually some charismatic junior pastor that gets her loins all frapped up. Once this happens, Joe Everyman has no chance. She will stick with him through 7 kids, 3 mistresses, and harsh anti Semitic slurs.

How to deal with a Pure Religious Virgin – You’re not getting in her pants any time soon. If you think she’s the one, then there you go. She will be a good woman to you and if you ever mess up, just ask her what would Jesus do and you’re clear.

winny-cooper

She's not looking at you, She's looks at Fred Savage. If you don't get this you need to watch more Nick at Night. Click on the picture tool.

Man of My Dreams Girl – This category is the most common form of FFS. Similar to the virgin except she can’t use God as an excuse. These girls use the least amount of common sense. If you are in a room with 40 teenagers, 20 boys, 20 girls, 19 of the girls would date 3 dudes in the class while the 20 guys would date (do, lets face it, if you’re in high school you’re not looking to date, you’re looking to fuck) about 16 of the girls. What’s the difference? Guys know their boundaries. They know that if they are a 6 out of 10, chances of them getting that 9 is low. So the next logical move is to look for that 7 or 6 or hell even 5. But for some reason, that fugly chick in the corner thinks she can get with the hot jock. Really? Girls… you will get your feelings hurt a lot less if you logically step your way down. There are more than 2 dudes in the class. Fuck girls are stupid.

How to deal with a Man of My Dreams Girl – If you happen to get with a girl and you are not the man she’s looking for, time is a tickin’. Once that dude shows up, you’re gone. Enjoy while you can. Maybe you’ll become the… man..of…… Haha! yea right. Just go to band class and look for some slumpbusters to make you feel better.

george-clooney-with-fan

You're not getting a sniff of the Cloon.

Celebrity of My Dreams Girl – This is the most severe case of FFS. Something is really screwed up with this chick. This is usually the girl from some small town like Greenleaf, Idaho, that is actually hot, that thinks she can come to Hollywood and fuck George Clooney because she heard he was a slut. So there she is in her small town, cock blocking the shit out of every single dude in her town just so she can give the Cloon that poon. She moves to LA, gets a job at his favorite restaurant, and waits, and waits, and waits, while he’s banging some Italian model at his 7 other homes around the world. That’s some prime poontang going to waste right there.

How to deal with Celebrity of My Dreams Girl – Wait it out, if you can. The more time passes, she’ll need some form of frustration release. Even better, hope for the Cloon to show up. If he bangs it out and drops her at the drop of a hat, you can pick up Cloon’s sloppy seconds.

Realizing that Female Fairytale Syndrome is Problem

In summary, parents have to step up and realize that this is affecting our society. Dads, do you want you little girl knocked up at 17 years old because she wants to be on Teen Mom 17? Mom, do you want your baby girl to be sucking the balls of some dude that looks like Zac Efron because you buy her every issue of Teen Beat with him on the cover knowing good and well that their dad was in the glee club before it was cool. Not every little girl gets to marry the king so stop filling their heads with that crap.

Oh yea, and for the dudes that are getting shot down by these girls, don’t be haters. If your fellow dude is out there getting his, don’t put salt in his game because you are bitter. Step yo game up. There is some chick out there that thinks you are the man of her dreams. Just a lot less of them.

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