Filthy McNasty

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger right? I’m not some freak that uses paper towels to open doors or wears mask to keep germs away, but I was thinking about this and we do some nasty shit and don’t even know it.


Everyone uses money. You use it to pay for your chai lattes, pay for the toll to get on the bridge, and just about everything else. But when your baby is playing in a pool of money like he’s Scrooge McDuck, do you ever stop to think where that money has been? Do you ever wonder what happens to the money that guys put down stripper’s ass? Have you ever given a bum money and wonder what he did with it or worse yet where he put it? Just think about that when you are standing in line at Walmart behind that fat smelly fat lady who just pulled out a large stack of ones from her sweaty bra and you realize you are paying cash.

Hand shake

I swear I didn't just jack off with hand.

It’s kinda easy to know why Howie Mandel fist bumps everyone. People do nasty shit with there hands. You can think of the obvious like wiping their nose or touching a dirty ass escalator handle but think about the other filthy mcnasty things people do then don’t wash their hands? What do you think Al Bundy was doing with is hand in his pants? You ever shook someone’s hand it it was wet and you prayed it was just water from being washed? And if you shake a teenage boy’s hand, you deserve whatever DNA he’s transferring to you. Let’s just hope for your sake that you wash your hands before that DNA gets transferred to you egg salad sandwich.

Your Food

That ice cream cost $3.50! You better pick that shit up and eat it.

What do you think of whenever you go to a restaurant? I think of that one scene from Road Trip or anything from Waiting. We’ve all heard of a nasty restaurant story. I personally heard of restaurants recycling uneaten steaks, moths in drinks of mean customers, and the like. Almost everyone I know does the 5 second rule. FDA allows ketchup makers to have 1 part animal protein (dead fly) per 100 games ketchup and 1 part rodent fiber (rat shit) per 100 games peanut butter. YUMMY!

Your Partner’s Goodies

If this is what your doin'... I pray for you.

You know that shit is nasty. Hell even virgin shit is nasty. But your not thinking about that when you are getting into that shit. Piss comes out of one hole, shit comes out the other. Don’t shower for a day, it’s the first thing to smell. Sweaty balls, stank snatch, shitty assholes, people will do some nasty shit to get some.

Bathroom Door Handle

You know little kids don't wash their hands right?

Let’s set the scenario, and I apologize in advanced if this causes some cock blocking but just work with me. You go on a date with your girl and watch some fruit shit like Twilight just to make her happy. After you are done with the testro sucking vampires, you go to the bathroom. You do your business, you wash your hands, you exit the bathroom like a normal human being. You get back to the car and go home and your girl gives you your prize of car lovin’. You start feeling her up and down with your clean hand then you start linking her up and down. But little do you know, the dude that left the bathroom right before you just took a shit and didn’t wash his hands. Now you just wiped it all over your girl and licked the shit off.


What the.... That's the last time I let you spend the night!!!

People do all kind of stuff at the computer. Have you ever turned your keyboard upside down? All kind of shit falls out. Toe nails, hair, McDonald fries, you better hope no one hires a witch doctor to make you piss yourself. And do you let your friends use your computer? Your single friends when they spend the night and you catch them as you go to the bathroom shutting the laptop shut real fast?

Seat on the Bus/Subway

Gotta go, gotta go

You ever wonder who sat on the seat before on the bus? You ever wonder why that seat is wide open and the bus is pretty full? Then you take that seat and you smell something so rank that that you want to puke right next to the puke you just sat next to. If you ever get on the bus or subway and there is a section of open seats, just do what everyone else is doing and just stay standing. They are standing for a reason.

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