Guy Fetishes

Ever wonder why men like weird stuff and girls (or guys but I’m not judging) to do the weird kinky shit that they’re into? Do you ever wonder what the weirdo at work is thinking about when you catch him staring at your backside or why your boyfriend just cheated on you with that ugly bitch? Well guys while not as complicated as girls (as seen here…) do have some weird quirks. Here is a list of some of the more common weird things with dudes and their kinks:

Anal

Art by Erica Lange

A lot of girls wonder “Why does my boyfriend want to stick his dick in my ass? Is he gay or something?” Not necessarily (although possible). There are many different reasons why a man wants to stick his dick in the poop shoot. The biggest reason is because he can. For ages, man has stuck his fuck tool into lots of things and if it didn’t kill him or get him sent to prison, he kept doing it. A guy would ear fuck a girl if he could, but ass fucking actually feels good to many who receive it as well. As you have seen road trip when Stifler (I don’t care what his name was in that movie he is and will always be Stifler) got his prostate milked or whatever, guys can feel real good when being anally poked. Girls also have some shit down there where if you hit the right spot, you can make her go nuts. Then there is the whole friction thing. Skinny dick vs big vag doesn’t equal friction.

BSDM

BSDM Fetish Why in the fuck would someone want to dress up in village people outfits, get tied down to wooden planks, and get the shit kicked out of them… for pleasure? Beats me, but some people love that shit. Its big with corporate bigwigs who have a bunch of ass kissers, licking the toe jam from their toes. They want someone to take control of them. They want some leathered out, spiked choker wearing, sex fiend to make their ass red and pull their ball backwards. They want to be put in their place. People like being in different roles than what they have in real life. The timid wife that lives a double life as a dominatrix or Joe billionaire wants to be told to act like a dog while he is anal raped by a shaved blonde with a 13 inch dildo. Some people feel alive with pain. They get off on it. They get off on being told what to do and how to do it. More power to you but I think you are an absolute freak if you get off on this shit.

Schoolgirl Outfits or other Uniforms

Schoolgirl_Fetish_by Erica_Lange

Art by Erica Lange

Let’s face the facts, there is not a thirty year old hetero dude on this planet that sees a sexy girl in a schoolgirl outfit and hoped that she was 18 (if you weren’t hoping that, I hope you live in a place where 16 is legal). And let’s face facts that even when your were in school you loved looking at the hot, innocent catholic school girls that went to school right down the street. Even a 60 year old hag with wrinkled boobs and a flabby ass looks better in a schoolgirl outfit. Its represents youth, innocence, and in some people’s sick minds its slutty. That’s how it is for all people that wear uniforms of some sort. Police officers represent power and people want to be told what to do, bosses represent authority, and maids represent the master/servant relationship in a lot of cases not to mention that maids are constantly bending over to clean shit. There are many reason why guys would like various types of uniforms but there is one thing that is universal… short and/or tight skirts are really hot and 99% of any slutty, hot uniform features a short, tight skirt. Just ask Halloween.

Foot

Foot_Fetish_by_Erica_LangeThis is another weird one. Why in the fuck are people attracted to feet is beyond me. But I have to come up with something so here goes. Feet are covered up. So there is that intrigue as to what they look like naked. If a girl has jacked up, smelly feet its a turn off so why won’t it be a turn on if they have nice smelling, manicured feet? Feet also can be very sensitive. Some girl (and guys) can get worked up from someone playing with their feet. Some girl even say they can cum like that (like you can ever trust a girl when they say they came). Some dudes just like that they are not hands. Shit 99.9% of guys use their hands to wank it but if I met a guy who does it with his own feet would be a first. Guys have hands so maybe a handjob from a chick just isn’t gonna cut it. But if she used her feet, its like a whole new experience like giving yourself a Stranger – That’s when you sit on your arm until it’s sleep, close your eyes, and fap yourself. Since your arm is asleep, it feels like you aren’t doing it to yourself. But you have to hurry up because it kills it if your arm wakes up half way through. Kinda like getting caught cheating by your hand with another hand.

Cumshot

Male ejaculate is nothing more than some proteins and enzymes that is supposed to be used for reproduction. So why in the hell do guys get so turned on watching male ejaculate be splattered everywhere on a girl’s (or guy’s) body except where its supposed to go? Well the first part of that answer is easy. In almost all cases of male/female sex, the guy is not trying to put his ejaculate in the female’s vagina (and failing since the beginning of time). It’s better than getting it on the rug, in the bed where the wife can see it, or in my good pair of socks. Better cum on your chest or something. You can just wash it off or use this wet nap I got from 7 Eleven. The second reason of why it’s hot is harder to explain. It’s a psychological kinkiness to it because we (as in guys that don’t like other dude’s cum on them) know it’s wrong and would probably rather get shot in the ass than have a speck of male ejaculate on them. Most guys don’t even want to touch their own cum let alone someone other dude’s semen (just watch any circle jerk porno and watch dudes dodge cum like Neo in the Matrix), so the fact that some other person will let them spray it where ever they want is just hot.

Girl on Girl

Girl_on_Girl_Guy_Fetishes_by_Erica_LangeWhat’s hotter than one hot girl? Two! So simple mathematics solves this riddle. Would you rather look at a hot chick make out with the dbag in the corner or would you rather watch the hot girl make out with another hot girl in the middle of the dance floor. And if a guy is watching some hot girl/girl action, he’s got one thing on his mind… how can I get in on this. No guy dreams of a guy, guy, girl threesomes if you are heterosexual, they just sort of happen and may turn out to be awesome. But 95% of straight guys dream of the FFM (female, female, male) and you are 2/3rd’s of the way there if you have two girls that are willing to do to each other what you wish them to do to you. You’re not dreaming that if a hot chick is making out with her douchebag of the night. You may wish that you were in his place but I guaran-damn-tee you aren’t thinking how hot it would be if you dbag and the hottie of your dreams shared the bed together. And, hot chick and flannel wearing dyke doesn’t count as hot. Might as well be some dude.

Voyeur

Voyeur_Guy_Fetishes_by_Erica_Lange

Art by Erica Lange

They used to call it peeping Toms back in the day because the only way to do it is to be a peeper up in the trees with some binoculars a la George McFly. Now thanks to the US gov’t, the Cold War, and Arnold Schwarzenegger movies, we have many devices to help us gather and share our peeping. Of course it’s hot to see a person(s) of which we are attracted in positions that attract us, especially if that’s the only way you’ll be able to see them. That nerd that lives across from the hot girl next door has almost no chance of getting with her, so any actual facts, tidbits, and secretly placed birthmarks will a long way in making his midnight fantasy all the more real. People wear clothes for a reason; to cover up. So when someone (especially a hot chick) shows something everyone else is not supposed to see, whether we are trying to see or not, is hot. Now the respectful thing would be to turn a blind eye and wait until you earn that peek, but who am I kidding. How many straight guys would turn down a free peek?

Chubby/Ugly Girls

BBW Fetish by Erica LangeA lot of girls have had the rude awaking of their man cheating on them with some fat or ugly chick. They all ask themselves in that perplexed, valley girl voice “How could he sleep with her? I mean… Eww.” Well first of all, 90% of big girls have one thing in common and that’s big boobs. And we all know what guys think about boobies. (I feel royally bad for the ones that don’t have big boobs). Ugly girls have one thing that pretty girls don’t have and that is uniqueness. Sure she may have a jacked up face with a gummy smile or eyes that are too close together but a) some people might find that attractive and b) those ugly qualities can draw attention to other attractive qualities that get lost on pretty girls because she looks and acts just like every other pretty girl. And lets get to the real reason your man wants to be with a fat or ugly chick. That fat and/or ugly chick will do things to your man that you never even thought was a thing to do, like giving a blowjob and not complaining or letting him do her doggy style because he actually likes to hit if from the back, not to mention all the other nasty things that guys think about on this list like anal, BSDM, threesomes and the whole nine. All that stuff that you hot girls think you are too good for are the reason he’s banging the fat/ugly chick. If you think about it, he’s only actually with you because you make him look good to his friends and fellow bros when he walks down the street. He’s actually feeling good with her. You should be happy that your man is so vain that he comes back to you because he’s too embarrassed of the fat and/or ugly chick to actually take her out in public. That makes him a major douche but we all know that it happens.

Clothes on Sex

There is just something dirty and slutty about having sex with clothes on. It’s like you were so hot and bother that you didn’t even have the time to get undressed or you need to get that quickie in so you don’t want to take off all your clothes because you have a party that people will be coming for any minute and you and your “friend” need to let off some tension. And let’s face it, some clothes accentuate the hotness of a person’s body. Why do you think there are sites dedicated to upskirt, CFNM (Clothed Female Naked Male), and non nude? Why do you think they make nighties and sexy sleepwear that people don’t sleep in? Why do girls have so many sexy clothes in general? Thongs point out the sexiness of a person backside. Bras add lift to (most) girl’s boobs making them look bigger and perkier than they would naked. I could go on for day with stuff like miniskirts, thigh high stockings, corsets, teddies, high heels, low cut tops, low rise jeans…. I mean DAMN… I might need to go rub one out now.

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